Helping

On By ethomasparhamIn O. BOOKS, MOVIES1 Comment

I’d like to share a copy of my writings, comments, and a collection of sources that have helped me.  Between the books and the blog, this a “haystack” of thoughts of various types.  It is, perhaps, a folder of inspiration that goes in many directions and is presented in no particular order.  Mainly it deals with coaching and teaching tennis  in America over the past fifty years. Lately I have concentrated on helping high school tennis teams, coaches, and players.  Some handpicked “lessons” are enclosed, excerpts taken from earlier writings, new blogs,other sources, etc.  I have doggedly tried to help enhance the amount of scholarship  money going to American men and women, as evidenced inside.    As Ray Charles once said, “You may not like all of my music, but hang on, I’ll find you.”

Download the full Helping file (160 Mb) here: helping-by-tom-parham

THANKSGIVING

On By ethomasparhamIn S. FAMILYLeave a comment

My wife is named Margaret Parham. So is the lady pictured below. My father’s mother was living when I was born, but died shortly thereafter. This picture is the only one I have ever seen of her.
As a matter of fact I never have even thought of her much until this fall. I turned 75, but more importantly two grandsons arrived, somewhat surprisingly so, to accompany the first grandson.
My one sibling does remember the older Margaret Parham: As a youngster I asked her what she knew of this woman. She revealed that this mother-in-law had earlier lived in my parent’s home. Much to the consternation of my Mom, who simply summarized her feelings by saying: “We didn’t get along too well. She didn’t think anybody was good enough for E.T.” (My Dad).

OLD GOLF JOKE: GOLFER 1: Hmm. A son-in-law chip
Golfer 2: What does that mean?
Golfer 1: Not bad, but not what I’d hoped for.

My Dad never said much about his family. “Pretty rough times.” I reacted like anyone denied information and persisted to the point of finding out more of the story.
North Carolina “Parhams”come almost exclusively from the Oxford/Henderson area. Dad said due to the depression his father moved them to the mountains of North Carolina, around Hendersonville, NC (Ironically). I have never known the original bunch.
Pressed by me, and in small doses, my father parceled it out to me. There were four girls and E.T.,the only son and the youngest child. The depression bore down and the farming didn’t do much. My grandfather, ostensibly, left the family to try to find work. He never returned. One sister survived. My father never quite said it as such, but implied the other three sisters more of less starved to death.
I am glad I had these conversations, painful as they were. And I think it also helped my father to unload some darkness. Two memories he had stand out in my mind. With no small amount of pride he said “…I was behind our mule, ploughing, at age 9.”  He never went without a garden that I can remember. He was never happier than in the garden. He never bought a “machine” to “turn the earth”, rather found someone with a mule who would lend it to him to prepare. Later he found an older Black gentleman with a mule who helped him in his late 80s. They smiled a lot.
His recollection of this, brought tears from both of us: “…you know, I somehow always valued education. I would not miss school if possible. After the girls died there was nothing. So,as I grew, or wore out my shoes, Mother would go to the closet and hand me the next sister’s vacant pair. The other kids made fun of me, but I went to school.”
My Dad and our name survived. As I now reflect on the fact that there are now six living “Parham Boys”, I can’t help wondering if we don’t owe my Dad’s mom some thanks.
Having piece-mealed an education together, E.T. Parham and his mother traveled though out North Carolina to 14 different one room schools in 18 years. Dad laughed at the fact that, “… I was a school principal at age 18. They survived. So have I, Tee, Dan, Andre, James, and Lennox.
My guess is that old lady WAS “tough”. And thank God she was. Belated, but sincere thanks, from us all.  And thanks for  a deep belief in education.

I never knew either Grandfather. Not much of a “mental picture there. I am gonna try extra now, to see what happens with the Parham boys.
This is my fourth amateurish attempt at writing something I hope will survive, and that one day the little ones will have some “pictures”
they can find helpful.

DARK HUMOR

On By ethomasparhamIn O. BOOKS, MOVIESLeave a comment

DARK HUMOUR
It comes from everywhere. Keep your eyes open. A short pencil is better than a long memory. Like a lot of people my age , I read newspaper obituaries. I think I started during my drinking days. There were mornings I felt so bad I think I was checking to see if I was listed. There are lots of ways to write of one’s demise. Some write their own, surely ahead of time. Here are some examples of gallows humor.
• A man named Tom Traylor had paid in advance to be cremated . A cancer patient, Tom wanted to renegociate the price. When he signed the original contract Tom said that he had weighed about 180 lbs. Cancer treatment had affected his weight downward to about 140pounds. Tom reasoned he’d lost easily about 30% of himself. Shouldn’t he get a discount?
• Another interesting observation about obituaries came from a Professor Clotfelter of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. The good professor was not only an observer of obituaries, he had strong feelings about all the hub bub of attacks on the integrity of the great University and the controversy surrounding athletics at Carolina.
Professor concluded, and I hope I accurately paraphrasing his logic, that the citizens held sports, and particularly college basketball in extremely high regard. None more than the Tar Heel faithful. BUT—-Carolina people weren’t the only ones. Quite often in the Old North State obituary loyalties were firmly and proudly proclaimed. Sometimes even in opening statements as such: “Joe Jones, an ardent Duke fan…” Or, “Mr. Smith, a lifelong supporter of Deacon Basketball yadda, yadda.” Here are two the professor cited for support:
• When this North Carolina State gridiron faithful could no longer attend games in person he was despondent. He really missed the live action. Still it was reported that he never missed an Wolfpack game on television. He watched every game in front of his home TV. Frequently in a three point stance.
• Clotfelter did admit fanaticism was not limited to North Carolina. He cited a man from Wisconsin who stated in his obituary:” I love the Badgers, the Green Bay Packers, and most of my grandchildren.”
And then the man from Ohio, who requested that his six pallbearers be members of the Cleveland Brown’s football team. Asked why? he reasoned “…I want to be LET DOWN one last time by the Browns.”
•One person concluded: “Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they would tell you how the person died.” I said “dark”.

A DYLAN PREDICTION

On By ethomasparhamIn P. BOB DYLAN1 Comment

Next stop 80.  Makes one think.  Bob turns 79 this month.  Bob doesn’t “sequester” well.  Wonder how he is handling “stay at home”.

Given this time to ponder our greatest life time tragedy, something will be forthcoming.  Happened with Katrina, JFK, 9/11, –quite  a few significant others.

It’s not dark yet   Help us out Bob.

DYLAN FAVORITES

On By ethomasparhamIn P. BOB DYLANLeave a comment

Here are some of my “Bob Lists”
A. My top 80 Dylan songs.
(He’s written who knows how many, but its upwards of 1000.
1. Like a Rolling Stone
2. Mr. Tambourine Man
3. All Thing the Watchtower
4. Forever Young
5. Every Grain of Sand
6. Blowin’ in the Wind
7. Things have Changed
8. Lay, Lady, Lay
9. Tangled up in Blue
10. With God on Our Side
11. The Times are a Changing
12. Subterranean Homesick Blues
13. Its All Over Now, Baby Blue
14. Desolation Row
15. Tombstone Blues
16. It’s Alright Ma
17. Ballad of a Thin Man
18. Gate of Eden
19. Masters of War
20. Visions of Johanna
21. Dignity
22. Tight Connection to My Heart
23. She Belongs to Me
24. Love Minus Zero/No limit
25. Lonesome Death of Hattie Carol
26. Hard Rain
27. Not Dark Yet
28. To Make You Feel My Love
29. Only a Pawn
30. John Brown
31. High Water (for Charlie Patton)
32. Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee
33. Hollis Brown
34. Chimes of Freedom
35. Where Teardrops Fall
36. Man in the Long Black Coat
37. Angelina
38. Farewell Angelina
39. I’ll Remember you
40. Knockin’ on Heavens Doors
41. Mama, You been on my mind
42. I’ll be your Baby Tonight
43. Queen Jane Approximately
44. Hurricane
45. Isis
46. Brownsville Girl
47. One More Cup of Coffee
48. Absolutely Sweet Marie
49. Blind Willie McTell
50. Buckets of Rain
51. IWantYou
52. Let it Be Me
53. Oh sister
54. PoliticalWorld
55. Highway 61
56. Going, Going, Gone
57. Open the Door Homer
58. Love is Just a 4 Letter Word
59. Just Like Tom Thumb Blues
60. Sad Eyed Lady
61. Sign on the Window
62. I Forgot More
63. Restless Farwell
64. Cold Irons Bound
65. Not Dark Yet
66. Don’t think Twice
67. Jokerman
68. Man of Peace
69. Mississippi
70. Positively 4th St.
71. Shelter from the Storm
72. Shooting Star
73. Trying to Get To Heaven
74. Wheels on Fire
75. Tweeter & Monkey Man
76. To Ramona
77. Nettie Moore
78. Someday Baby
79. When The Deal Goes Down
80. The Mystic Garden
B. Suggested Songs on War.
(These are just as valid today as in 1965)
1. With God On Our Side
2. Blowin’ in the Wind
3. Senor
4. High Water (For Charlie Patton)
5. It’s Alright Ma
6. Masters of War
7. John Brown
8. Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
9. All Along The Watchtower
C. Favorite Quotes
War:
“If God is on our side, he’ll stop the next war.” (With God on our Side)
“And his brain has been mismanaged with great skill.” (License to Kill)
“Alright – where do you want this killing done?” (Highway 61)
“Is your money that good? Will it buy forgiveness? Do you think that it could?” (Masters of War)
“Things are breaking up out there, High water everywhere!” (High Water)
“Let’s disconnect the cables, over turn the tables. The place just don’t make sense
to me nor more.” (Senor)
“And I’ll tell it, and think it, and speak it and breath it.” (Hard Rain)
Faith:
“They say prayer has the power to heal so pray for me mother. In the human heart an evil spirit can dwell. I am tryin’ to love my neighbor and do good unto others. But oh, mother, things ain’t going well.” (Ain’t Talkin”)
“May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift.” (Forever Young)“There are no keys inside the gates of Eden.” (Gates of Eden)
“But you and I have been through that, and this is not our fate, so let us not talk
falsely the hour’s getting late.” (All Along the Watchtower)
I gaze into the doorway of temptation’s angry flames. And every time I pass that
way I always hear my name.” (Every Grain of Sand)
“But if the arrow is straight and the point is slick, it can pierce through dust no
matter how thick.” (Restless Farewell)
“Strap yourself to a tree with roots – you ain’t going nowhere.” “Well the book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle
and the sea are you only teachers.” (Jokerman)
“Before the sky there are no fences —“ (Mr. Tambourine Man) “The dust of rumor covers me.” (Restless Farewell)
Change:
“Something is happening here, but you don’t know what it is.” (Ballad of a Thin Man)
“Ah but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.” (My Back Pages)
“It’ll soon shake you windows and rattle your walls.” (Times They are a Changin’)
“Strike another match, go start anew.” (Baby Blue)
“Well its always been my nature to take chances. My right hand draws back as my left hand advances.” (Angelina)
“steal a little & they throw you in jail. Steal a lot and they make you a king.” (What’s a Girl Like You)
“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. (Subterranean Homesick Blues)
“For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled.” (Times They are a Changin’) “But me, I’m still on the road heading for another joint.” (Tangled Up In Blue) “The only thing I knew to do was to keep on keeping on.” (Brownsville Girl) “But to live outside the law, you must be honest.” (Absolutely Sweet Marie) “You can’t open your mind to every conceivable point of view.” (High Water) “He not busy being born is not being dying.” (It’s Alright Ma)Relationships:
“Bad luck women will stick like glue. Its one or the other or neither of the two.” (Nettie Moore)
“Love is all there is, it makes the world go ‘round, love and only love, it can’t be denied. No matter what you think about it you just won’t be able to do without it. Take a tip from one who’s tried.” (I Threw it All Away)
“But its not that way, I wasn’t born to lose you.” (I Want You)
“Kick your shoes off, do not fear, buy that bottle over here. (I’ll be your Baby To- night) “I ain’t lookin’ to block you up, shock or knock or lock you up, analyze you, categorize you, finalize you or advertise you. All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.” (All I Really Want to Do)
“I was burned out from exhaustion, buried in the hail, poisoned in the bushes an’ blown out on the trail, hunted like a crocodile, ravaged in the corn. ‘Come in,’ she said, ‘I’ll give you shelter from the storm’.” (Shelter from the Storm)
“I’d just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clear as someone who has had you on his mind?” (Momma You’ve Been On My Mind)
“Goodbye is too good a word girl.” (Don’t Think Twice)
“If your mem’ry serves you well, you’ll remember you’re the one that called on me
to call on them to get you your favors done.” (This Wheel’s on Fire)
“So many roads, so much at stake, so many dead ends, sometimes I wonder what
its going to take to find Dignity.”
“Its only other people’s games you’ve got to dodge.” (It’s All Right Ma)
“You’re right from your side, and I’m right from mine.” (One Too Many Mornings)
“Now, there’s a certain thing that I learned from my friend, Moss. A fella who always blushes and that is that ev’ryone must always flush out his house if he don’t expect to be housing flushes.”
“When you’re out there trying to heal the sick, remember you must first forgive them.” (Open the Door, Homer)
“Friends will arrive, Friends will disappear!” (Buckets of Rain) “You’d know what a drag it is to see you.” (Positively 4th Street)
“You went to the finest school all right, Miss Lonely. But you know you only used to get juiced in it.” (Like a Rolling Stone)
“”As she takes your voice and leaves you howling at the moon.” (Tom Thumbs Blues)
“Time is in ocean but it ends at the shore.” (Oh Sister) Tough Moments:
“I’ve just reached a place where true willow don’t bend.” (Going, Going, Gone) “Blues this morning fallin’ down like hail – Gonna leave a greasy trail.” (Nettie
Moore)
“I got sidetracked in El Paso, stopped to get myself a map, went the wrong way into Juarez with Juanita on my lap. Then I went to sleep in Shreveport, woke up in Abilene wonderin’ why the hell I’m wanted at some town halfway between.” (Wanted Man)
“Bury the rag deep in your face, for now is the time for your tears.” (Hattie Carol) “Like a cork screw to my heart.” (Big Girl)
“That long black cloud is coming down.” (Knockin’ at Heaven’s Doors)
“You can always come back, but you can’t come back all the way.” (Mississippi) “don’t even hear the murmur of a prayer.” (Not Dark Yet)
“When you think you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.” (Tryin’ to get to Heaven)
“As soon as you awake, you trained to take, what looks like the only way out.” (Political World)
“Conceit is a disease doctors got no cure.” (Disease of Conceit)

A TIP FOR DYLAN LISTENING

On By ethomasparhamIn P. BOB DYLANLeave a comment

Maybe my music teaching Mom gave me an “appreciation gene” if not a drop of talent.
I noticed the new Pope thinks Bob Dylan is a “false prophet.” I don’t remem- ber Bob claiming deity. I asked “Country” who he thought the new Pope would be? “Probably be another Catholic,” he reassured.
People tell me “I can’t understand what Dylan is saying” or “I don’t get it.” Maybe you get him or you don’t.
I know during rehab from several surgeries I read his lyrics book closely. An
updated one goes through 2002.
If you’re interested in this wealth of work read the lyrics along with the music.
I’m a Dylan fan, not a “Dylanologist.” Over 5000 courses are taught in Dylan
throughout academia.
Two Dylan poems hold up with the “greats”: (1) Forever Young and (2) Every
Grain of Sand. Read number one for your children, number two for your faith. If these don’t affect you, read no further in this chapter. (Pages 181-182)
Ray Charles once suggested, “ you may not like all I play, but hang on, I’ll find you.”

BARTON COLLEGE , FEB.6, 2018

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Tom Parham, Winning Tennis Coach, Author, and Bob Dylan Fan to Speak at Hackney Library

Tom Parham

Calling all tennis (and Bob Dylan) fans!

On Tuesday, February 6, 2018, Hackney Library and the Friends of Hackney Library will sponsor a reception and program featuring Former Atlantic Christian College (now Barton College) championship-winning tennis coach and AC alumnus Tom Parham.

The event will take place in Hackney Library’s Learning Commons on the campus of Barton College.  A reception (with refreshments) will begin at 5:00 pm, followed by Parham’s talk, “Hartsock, Dylan, and 50 Years,” at 5:30 pm.

From 1964 to 1983, Tom Parham coached tennis at the College, and from 1983 to 1985, he served as Athletic Director.  He led the Bulldogs to NAIA National Tennis Championships in 1979 and 1984, and earned another NAIA National Championship for Elon University in 1990, where he served as tennis coach from 1985 until his retirement in 2004.  Parham was named NAIA National Coach of the Year in 1977, 1979, 1985, and 1990.  For his service to collegiate tennis and his achievements in the sport, Parham was named in 1979 to North Carolina’s Order of the Long Leaf Pine, the highest civilian honor awarded in the state of North Carolina.  He has received numerous awards throughout his career, including induction into several athletic halls of fame and the awarding of the Elon Medallion, the University’s highest honor, upon his retirement in 2004.  He serves on the N.C. Tennis Association’s Board of Directors.

Not only is he a tennis coach par excellence, Parham is also a lover of books–he has written three himself: The Little Green Book of Tennis, Play is Where Life Is, and ALOT (A Level of Thinking)—and he is a devotee of Bob Dylan and his music.  In October 2017, Parham donated his collection of over 30 books and four DVDs about Dylan to Hackney Library for circulation.

In addition to his Bachelor of Arts degree in English and Physical Education from Atlantic Christian (Barton) College, Parham holds a Master of Education degree from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.  Parham, professor emeritus at Elon University, now resides in Emerald Isle, North Carolina, with his wife Margaret.

Please join us on February 6 for Parham’s recollections of his life as both student and coach at Atlantic Christian College and his passion for Bob Dylan and his music.

This event is sponsored by Hackney Library and the Friends of Hackney Library and is free and open to the public.  For additional information, please call (252) 399-6502.

BARTON COLLEGE, DYLAN TEST (PAGE 1, QUOTES)

On By ethomasparhamIn P. BOB DYLANLeave a comment

DYLAN QUOTE TEST

MATCH QUOTATIONS WITH SONG TITLES

QUOTES

1._____”If God is on our side, He’ll stop the next war.

2._____”And his brain has been mismanaged with great skill.

3._____”All right—where do you want this killing done?”

4._____”Is your money that good? Will it buy forgiveness? Do you think that it could?

5._____”Things are breaking up out there, high water everywhere.

6._____”Let’s disconnect the cables overturn the tables. This place just don’t make         sense to me no more. Can you tell me what we are waiting for, Senor?”

7_____”May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift.”

8_____”But you and I have been through that, and this is not our fate so let us not talk falsely the hour is getting late.”

9_____”I gaze into the doorway of temptations angry flames. And every time I pass that way I always hear my name.”

  1. ___”Happiness is just a state of mind. Anytime you wish you can cross the state line.”

11_____”Before the sky there are no fences facing”

12_____”Something is happening here, but you don’t know what it is”

13_____”Ah, but I was so much older then I’m younger than that now”

14_____” strike another match, go start anew.”

15____”You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows”

16____”For he gets hurt will be he who has stalled”

17___”But to live outside the law, you must be honest”

18____”And I’ll tell it, and think it, and speak it and breathe it”

19_____”But it’s not that way, I wasn’t born to loose you.”

20_____”Kick your shoes off, do not fear, bring that bottle over here.”

21____”I’d just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clear as someone who has had you on his mind”

22_____”Goodbye is too good a word girl”

23_____”So many roads, so much at stake so many dead ends, sometimes I wonder what it’s going to take to find dignity”

24______”It’s only other peoples games you got to dodge”

25____”Just remember when you are out there trying to heal the sick, that you must first forgive them.”

26_____”You’d know what a drag it is to see you.

27_____”You went to the finest school all right Miss Lonely. But you only used to get juiced in it”

28_____”I got sidetracked in El Paso, stopped to get myself a map, went the wrong way into Juarez with Juanita on my lap. Then I went to sleep in Shreveport, woke up in Abilene wondering why the hell I’m wanted at some town halfway between.”

29____”Bury the rag deep in your face, for now is the time for your tears”

30_____”That long black cloud is coming down. “

“DYLAN DAYS”

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Jennifer Fulmer played on my Women’s tennis team at Elon University. One day the AUSTIN TEXAS senior wore a “Dylan Days” tee shirt to practice. She told me that they played Dylan all day long in Austin every  year on that day.
Mr. Dylan just won the Nobel Prize for Literature, having just played the desert concert along with the ‘stones, Paul McCartney, the Who, Neil Young,etc. Quite a week.
Tonight he plays on tour in Durham,NC.

“,,,roses are red and violets are blue,
and time is beginning to crawl.
I just might have to come see you,
where teardrops fall.”