World’s Top Producer of Condoms Raises Prices as Iran War Rattles Supply Chain
( From today’s New York Times ).
THINGS ARE GETTING SERIOUS !
OCT 1 Note: My Wife came home with a lemon cake. She left saying it would be chocolate. Why ?
She said the tariffs had priced chocolate too high.
Somebody better deal with these two products before VALINTINES DAY!
My wife and I just returned from a trip to my childhood hometown. A friend had recommended a bed-and-breakfast in the neighborhood where I grew up.
There were six guests at breakfast. From a conversation the night before, I knew that one of the men we had met was a Ph.D. in herpetology—the study of reptiles. We did not know the other couple.
Five of us were carrying on a breakfast conversation when I finally asked the quiet gentleman about his profession. When he explained that he had an impressive background in entomology—the study of insects—I introduced Dr. Snakes to Dr. Bugs.
Those two guys knew a lot about critters and creepers.
The late Jeanne Robertson often advised asking someone with an unusual profession, “What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you?”
So Dr. Snakes told us about a scheduled dissection of an alligator.
The professor decided to open the gator before the students arrived. As he examined the contents of the alligator’s stomach, he discovered a grotesque mass that appeared to be a human hand and arm.
Further examination revealed that the appendage actually belonged to a bear.
The professor could not resist.
He took off his wristwatch and attached it to the bear’s wrist. Then he sewed “Bruno” back up and waited for his students.
I suspect those students never forgot that lesson in herpetology.
***************
This is a previous blog edited by AI. The Madison NC town clock below is still there. Our group of preteens could climb to the top. Those with smaller arms could alter the hands of the clock. Madison Mayhem (1950)
We moved from Madison, North Carolina when I was 12 years old. Billy Fulton had already
introduced me to smoking.
Mutual friend, Bobby Hughes , told me that when Billy was issued his football gear Coach Raymond
Cure called him aside. He told Billy : “We have a special jersey for you. We sewed on a shirt pocket to carry your
smokes.”
My Wife and I just returned from a trip to my childhood hometown. A friend recommended a Bed and Breakfeast
in the neighborhood where I grew up . There were six guests for breakfeast. I knew from a conversation the night
before that the one man we had met was a PhD in Herpetology ( Reptiles )… We did not know the other couple.
Five of us shared the conversation. Finally I asked the profession of the quiet gentleman . When he explained
an impressive history in Entomology ( Insects ) I introduced DR. Snakes to Dr. Bugs. Those guys knew a lot about
critters and creepers.
The late Jeanne Robertson advised to ask anyone with an unusual profession “What is the funniest thing that
happened ?” Dr. Snakes then told of a scheduled disection of an alligator. The Professor decided to open the Gator
before the students arrival. Gator gut revealed a grotesque mass he thought was a human hand and arm. Further
study revealed the appendage was that of a bear.
He could not resist. He took off his wrist watch and attached it to the bear’s wrist. Sewed “Bruno” back up and waited
for his students.
THE GREAT DEPRESSION–1929–
A Ferrol Sam’s character, providing a bed in his home to a destitute acquaintence, offered ” …IF YOU NEED ANYTHING CALL ME, AND I WILL TALK YOU OUT OF NEEDING IT.”
Today’s interesting news includes two Cornell University students who quartered a 200 pound Black Bear in their University dorm room. Legit hunting by the two.
This reminded me of a late coaching friend in ihe 1960’s. Unnamed, a college linebacker of note, duct taped his dorm room and turned on all water sources. Once the room filled he went ” scuba diving” in West Dorm–Room 221.
The tape around the door frame gave way and all the hallway flooded.
The coaching staff found “off campus housing” for #32.
IT’S NICE TO KNOW THERE’S STILL A FEW OLD COUNTRY BOYS AROUND
FROM NYT
Insults, Expletives and Fat-Shaming: Vance Trolls Critics on the Right and Left.
CLIPS
It was hardly the first time that someone on social media called someone else fat. But it may have been the first time that a vice president of the United States did so.
Mr. Vance also appears to have a natural appetite for conflict, the product of a generation that grew up with gladiatorial political instincts. It is not enough that someone else may be wrong about policy or politics; they must be stupid, mendacious, vile or, yes, even overweight.
********************
Comedian Ron White, who said “F— you ! “, to his debate opponent, concluded : I THOUGHT I’D WON !
SHOW ME THE BIRDFEEDER
JUSTIFIED’S Raylan: “It is hard to imagine the wonderful things that might happen if you can plant the seeds of distrust among a garden of assholes.”
JUSTIFIED’S Raylan: “It is hard to imagine the wonderful things that might happen if you can plant the seeds of distrust among a garden of assholes.”
Winston Churchill: “When you are going through hell, keep going.”
“The secret to management is to keep the guys who hate you from the undecided.” Casey Stengel.
One golfer said another was even tempered on the golf course: “He was an asshole the whole round.”
•Tom Brokaw concluded: “For parents, bribery is a white collar crime. For grandparents, it’s a business plan.”
At a recent post-golfing social event, I overheard one wife chastise another. “Alice, you’ve got the wrong name tag on.” Alice: “… I’m much too drunk to wear my own name tag.”
JAMES ALLEN ROSE
•A local high school running back was extremely quick and agile. A zig-zagging touchdown kickoff return brought this comment from an admiring hoi toiler coach: “My lord Son, you run ‘er like a hard crab”.
Unrelated favorites:
1. Women and cats will do as they wish. Men and dogs should get used to this fact.
2. The game film looks suspiciously like the game. Coach Bum Phillips
3. On Coach Landry of the Dallas Cowboys: “Does the coach ever smile? Player (Walt
Garrison) “I don’t know, I’ve only been here three years”.
t know, I’ve only been here three years”.
4. “…if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”
Response: “Living—-you think I am stupid?” From Jim Hightower.
5. Eulogy at “Curly’s funeral. “God, we give you Curly. Don’t piss him off!”
From “City Slickers 2”.
6. From Coach Darrell Royal
A: …faster than small town gossip”.
B…”I had hoped God would be neutral”.
C ”You are “what-iffing”. Anybody can “what- if”.
7. Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. W.B Yeats.
8. Every harlot was a virgin once. W. Blake
9. Courage is fear, holding on a minute longer. G. Patton
10. Buy the ticket, take the ride. Hunter Thompson
11. Don’t go around thinking the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. M. Twain
12. If today was a fish, I’d throw it back in.
13. Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side. Stanley Ralph Ross.
14. It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life. Irish Proverb.
15. Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life a champion. Muhammad Ali
16. Expect problems and eat them for breakfast.
7. He that hath no children brings them up well.
18. A good scare is better than good advice.
19. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
20. For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. Johnny Carson
21. Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock. Will Rogers. •22. One Father is worth more than a hundred schoolmasters. George Herbert
23. Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. Plato
24.”…he that is without sin…Pick some up”. Barry Saunders
25. “I graduated with a 4.0, but it was my blood alcohol level.” James Carville.
26. “I cussed him out in Spanish, and he threw me out in English”. Lou Pinella, on being
thrown out of a game by umpire Armando Rodriguez.
27. “I can’t believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. Steven Pearl.
28. “All pro athletes are bilingual. They speak English and profanity.” Gordie Howe
29. “Thank you from the heart of my bottom”. Nick Faldo.
30. “I’ve been around since “Preparation A”. Jack McKeon
31. “Think you are a leader? Turn around and look back: if no one is following, you are just taking a walk.”
32. “It’s hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your ass out all day long”. Vince Gill in drag (You Tube)
33. I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. Mae West
34. I’ve been in more laps than a napkin. Mae West
35. I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died. Richard Diran •
COMEDIC HISTORY
