DISHONOR STUDENTS?

While we live in eastern North Carolina (the Atlantic Ocean is several hundred yards South of us) the coast of our state has an eclectic citizenry.   Lots of retirees, northern brothers,  and an influx of in-state folks.  Lots of folks moving our way.   The oldest and most unique locals are the “hoi toiders” ( or high tiders ).   These “down easterners”  refer to Kinston, N.C.  as the west.    They have their own dialect and vocabulary. “Dit-dotters” are tourists who come and go back.  “Ding-batters” come and, alas, stay.   Local lingo contends ‘…my lord, honey, they must leave their brains on the other ” soide ” ( side ) of the bridges”

We are also near Camp Lejeune or the Marine Base.   Having worked in two colleges my  entire 40 work years, some of my friends call me “Coach”, or sometimes “Professor”.  I  once asked a friend who had moved to Chapel Hill,  N.C.  how they liked it?   He replied “…not much—if you don’t have a PH.D.  or have a dozen books published,  most of them won’t have anything to do with you.   Some have contended the worst thing about being rich was you had to deal with other rich people.   My coaching colleagues put too much value on winning, perhaps.  Down here status often depends on military rank, noted careers.   I guess on Wall Street and in a lot  America,  it’s is money that does the talking.

While a bumper sticker in the piedmont might read ” MY CHILD IS  AN HONOR STUDENT”,  down here you could just as well see “MY BOY CAN WHIP THE CRAP OUT OF YOU HONOR STUDENT”.

I am not inclined to deny or resent “Coach”,  or having taught for a long time.  Nor do I get out of sorts at “here comes the (“liberal”, or “Obama”, or “the college man”, etc.).   I try not to respond , much as my oldest Son advised.   Last week a quote got my attention:   “The worst argument against Democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter”  (Churchill?).   And  “…if you think education is expensive,  try ignorance.” If one thinks “liberal”  (freedom) is a bad word,  and the misspent  and mismanaged money on war in this decade has been “conservative” —why argue?

So—when one got over the line recently (” Coach, you have spent too much time around colleges”)  it just blurted out of me.   I asked him if he had any any grandchildren?  OH YES.  Tell me about them, I continued.  I got the usual “my goose is a swan” answers one gets from any grandparent .  Goes  somewhat like these cliches:  ” He reads two grade levels above his class. ” Or, ” She makes all A’s! “.   “I don’t know where he gets it—must be his Mother. ”  And others we all know, if we ask any grandparent.   Then he took a breath.

Quickly  I pointed out that I had never heard any of  THESE comments from a parent or grandparent:   “You know he is the dumbest little son of a gun in his class!”   or, “She certainly never made an A!” or, “…if he flunks the eight grade one more time he’ll be 16, and I think I HAVE GOT HIM TALKED INTO QUITTING FOR GOOD!’ or, ” maybe the 4th grade will be shoe-tying and potty-trained year.

He looked at me funny but  didn’t say anything.  I  don’t know whether he got it or not.

“Call your next case”.   Chub Seawell,  Carthage, N.C. —1955

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ROME BURNING?

In the early part of the last century the North Carolina legislature passed a law prohibiting the teaching of evolution in the public schools. Asked about this action a young Sam Erwin concluded that the one good thing about this action is that it “…absolves the monkeys of the jungle of any responsibility for the behavior of the human race in general, and the North Carolina Legislature in particular.”   If the Republicans get by with their intentions in Raleigh, it won’t be the News and Observers fault ( “…lot of water under the bridge, lot of other stuff too. Don’t get up gentlemen, I’m only passing through” ( THINGS HAVE CHANGED–BOB DYLAN).   Lots of issues.   I recently expressed my concerns about education and what’s going on with teachers.   A retired highway patrolman said he had carried a gun his whole career, and his profession had often been neglected compared to N.C.teachers.    I don’t question that profession and all they do and risk. Firemen, Policemen, and the Military.   I did note later that he had retired at age 52   And that perhaps soon, wise teachers may want to carry a weapon also.   School teachers have long been underpaid.   Add integration and discipline problems and many good teachers, coaches, and administrators have abandoned education.   If we continue to whittle away at this rate (abandoning tenure, cutting out aides, larger class sizes, no reward for increased education, no scholarships for talented future in-state teachers, larger classroom sizes, undermining the values of public schools and funding for them, etc.), who will fill the slots? Think for a minute. Fire Donald and hire Daffy? Who do you hire, Mr. Superintendent, or N.C.legislator, when no competent people will take the jobs?   Haven’t we seen too many sorry people who gravitate to youngsters, if allowed.   Who takes a job no one else will have?   Aren’t some of the problems we have with tenure because we had to hire improperly vetted dregs.   How can the proposed changes not make things horribly worse!
The old school tennis coaches will remember when we had to referee our own matches.   Talk about a mess.    Finally they funded one official.   Often these people were retirees:   Nice people who were underpaid but wanted to help.   Pretty soon some of the young coaches who hadn’t witnessed matches minus a referee, took this as an opportunity to argue with these sometimes volunteers, or underpaid godsends    It wasn’t long before you couldn’t find an official.   And those you got didn’t know an “unforced error” from most first marriages.   It is time, North Carolina, to get up on your hind legs and stop this ruinous, dangerous bunch.   PS.   Two contemporary authors of note made comments that are related: 1. Pat Conroy from MY READING LIFE: “…if anyone knows a more important profession than teaching i wish they would let me know what it is before I die.”   And 2. From Malcolm Gladwell’s OUTLIERS: Paraphrasing Mr. Gladwell’s “outlier” concerning education, he contends that the most important factor in education is that each individual child must have at an early age (pre-kindergarten) a loving person who reads to the child and conveys the importance of reading to that child.

A New Day

Nolan Respess and his assistant, “Dee Dock”, coached in tiny Pantego, NC, early in their careers.   The schools sports program was basketball and baseball.   That’s it.   Except for the principal’s news, fueled by school consolidation.

“Gentlemen we’re adding football.   Not only that, you two are the coaches.”

Nolan said neither he or “Dee Dock” knew much football, but there they were on opening Friday night.

First play!

On the kickoff return one of their new kids got “cold cocked!”   Unconscious right at their feet.   The kid finally “blind staggered” to his feet, barely awake.   Coach Re spess’ first substitute was instructed to “Take his place.”   The kid ran over to where the other kid had been stretched out and laid down.

Hmm, we’ve got some coaching to do.   Later when he tried to find the same kid, another teammate said, “Coach, he is over there, pointing to the concession stand. The “sub” was calmly eating a hot dog through his facemask.

Coach Respess:  “Son, did they give you a hot dog?”  “No, Coach, I bought it.”
“You had money in your uniform?”
“I hid it in my shoes, I knew I’d get hungry.”

College Athletics Paradoxes and Ponderings

James Michener wrote Sports in America in 1976.   He observed, then, that the United States is the only country that charges higher education with entertaining the public (via athletic programs).   Surely education versus capitalism (or “the market”) presents a paradox for colleges and universities.   This conundrum has existed for more than a century and still we struggle with how to make it work reasonably.

Our local 2013 example of these problems was the highly publicized UNC-Chapel Hill bogus courses, used primarily for athletic eligibility.   Oddly, one of our national leaders for reform in athletics was UNC-CH former chancellor Dr. Bill Friday.  Dr. Friday, and the Knight Commission together had forewarned of the dangers of uncontrolled athletic programs.

What seems paradoxical, and sad, is that while we speak passionately of reform, we continue to yield to the dollar.

The freedom of the market seems very American.   I don’t doubt that Coach K is worth 9.7 million dollars annually for Duke University.   Quickly the Duke people would contest, “the university itself benefits by more than this amount plus the salary comes, in large portion, from outside the university coffers”.   While in this instance, that may be true, are others not forced the ante-up in a nuclear arms race-like spending war?   Associate head football coaches making 2 million?

Want to know where the less fortunate schools find such monies?   From the student body!   Are we not reaching a point of diminishing returns when college debt exceeds all national credit card debt?   When annual college/university costs exceed $70,000 per year, what sense does a “liberal arts” degree make?   Especially for those who have the current economic situation to guide their decisions.   There is a huge portion of the student body saying “Hey, I’m not interested in paying for athletic excess.   Community college a  more reasonable option? No sense in a liberal arts degree?   Forget unreasonable athletic schools, I need a job!”   Is uncontrolled athletic expense going to cost us liberal arts education and/or the valuable lessons of reasonable collegiate programs.

There are lots of ideas floating around:  Stipends for athletics?  AAU basketball influences?   High school “recruiting” that often eliminates any chance of good neighborhood teams winning…or even trying.

Ask any old-timer about stipends for athletics.   They’ll say, “No, they are getting a scholarship.” But how much is Johnny Football worth to Texas A&M?   How about Cam Newton and Auburn.   The stipend ($2000) was voted in by the NCAA.   Then voted out.   Would it not escalate to $20,000 soon and thus be affordable to the much discussed “Super 60” only?

One local decision scares me too: UNC-Wilmington just dropped 5 athletic programs.   They seemed to be 5 of their most successful programs, albeit “non-revenue” sports.   Often I am asked by the Intercollegiate Tennis Association (ITA) to write support letters to schools who are dropping collegiate tennis programs, or are about to.

What about proximity in college athletics?   Syracuse in the Atlantic Coast Conference?   Pittsburgh?   What happens to the “Big 4” rivalries?   Elon, my former employer, has opted for the Colonial Conference over the Southern Conference. Travel looks to me to be much more.   Who suffers from distance?   Those who can’t afford to fly, ie: the women and the “non-revenue” programs.   What happens to study time, eaten up by travel time?   Ask Campbell University’s  coaches, who just “came in from the cold!”   They were in a league with teams in 11 different states!   How is that a reasonable conference?   Maybe it’s just me, but I loved the “southerness” of the Southern Conference.   No need to fly anywhere. Believe me, with no TV revenue, and travel out the wazoo, these programs and people take big blows.

Higher education in the future needs some stout leaders.   Bob Dylan says, “Money doesn’t talk. It swears.”   Presidents and Chancellors and Athletic Directors can’t say “We didn’t know”,  anymore.   If they don’t know they are just as culpable.   It’s that big, and threatens the whole ball of wax.  There is a lot of fat in higher education.   From athletics, to faculty job loads, to sabbaticals, to minimal output by tenured  faculty, to excessive administrative  positions,  to phony academic courses and grades..

P.S.     On weather!    I am old enough to remember when college spring schedules ended at the end of May.    Now many schools end in mid April with conference playoffs coming  as early as the first or second weekend of the month.  Play was in April  and May with practice starting in March.   Now play is often in February and March, with practice in January.   March 1 now is about midseason.   This  spring in  North  Carolina there were very few contests played in warm, spring weather.

I coached 40 years in four different conferences:  Carolinas Conference, South Atlantic Conference,  Big South Conference, and  the Southern Conference.   Rarely did any of these coaches go north to schedule.   Almost  everyone’s schedule featured fine schools from the north coming south on “spring break”.   In the words of the old  Southern comedian, Dave Gardner, “…you ain’t never heard of anyone retiring to the north, have you?”

Baseball in Philadelphia in February or March?   New York,  Boston?   Teams from these areas would tell us “…this trip is the first time we have been  on a field.  Or outdoors.

Consider a couple of other points:  1. Certain sports played in extremely cold weather can cause bad injuries.   Pitchers and tennis players are examples.  2. “Spring Sports” teams aside,  travel in northern areas are much more apt to be more dangerous for all teams.   Ask veteran  basketball coaches  about late nights and bad weather in the dark.  Once you get above about Richmond, Va., it changes.   Forty years of  watching weather have proven that to me.

3. Vans, buses, and planes with loads of college kids are dangerous enough.  Add severe weather often experienced due north, to inexperienced, or young, or ambitious coaches and players, and a recipe for tragedy looms.

Doping

With the publicity about Lance Armstrong and the denial of Hall of Fame membership to Sosa, Bonds and Mcguire, perhaps it is time to dig in on the substance issue…1. Armstrong stated he would not have been selected if he refused to dope.  One potential pro baseball player told me the reason he was not moved up (management told him) was because he refused the “pack”, or steroid enhancement.  If this is the only was to advance then advancing may not be worth it.  It is certainly dangerous, and taking unfair advantage. “Cheaters never win” a passe axiom? 2 . In the “power sports” isn’t there an added danger in giving some parties strength, size, speed, injury recovery, frenzied mentality advantages etc?  E=1/2 m x v squared.  Or “energy equals one half mass times velocity squared” as proposed by O. Charles Olsen in “The Prevention of Football Injuries” in the 1970′  One football coach said the mothers were leading the charge against their kids playing some sports now. If these sports are worthwhile, and I believe strongly they are, shouldn’t they be played on ” a level (drug free) field”? 3. Who protects the 14year old (about age some are making the steroid decision) when parents either aren’t there, are ignorant of the issues, or sadly complicit in encouraging usage?  Is the “paste out of the tube”. Or is this a watershed moment requiring the parties that are in control to “step up”, to use a sports cliche?

Prescient?

In 1976 James Michener wrote SPORTS IN AMERICA. He made the statement then “…I might allow my child to play football, but I wouldn’t encourage him to play.” I asked this fall on this blog, won’t this be a critical year in football history? (FOOTBALL AT THE CROSSROADS). Seems like the year proved the point…Continued head injuries, lawsuits, dementia, suicides, pretty brutal stuff.. The game is brutal. Still many love the “lions vs the christians”. Many think the rules are unclear or limiting. My guess is another influence is on the forefront, similar to Michener’s. “Mommas don’t your boys grow up to be football players.” This is not new, yet making more sense. It bothers me however that the great life lessons of football may be lost to many. If the savage control the game, to hell with it. If there is a “…turning loose of the steering wheel” then wrecks will occur. And , as good people abandon the game a lot will be lost. Every time an Incorrigible is recruited, selected, hired, etc., a good kid will be eliminated, or cut, or not given a chance. same for coaches, administrators, owners, all the way up and down…Face it–there are people that aren’t capable of benefitting from the great life lessons of football, and all sports. They use the game only for self gain. Many become millionaires only to squander the money. Bankrupt in short order, having gained no worthwhile skills, and having done only damage to society…Once again, who plays is important. People must be screened on a person by person level. Race should play no part in who plays. It does seem true that the more white kids drop out, the more black kids will fill the slots. It seems logical that if we fill the slots with incorrigibles, albeit good players, we will eliminate a lot of great black kids, whose only chance may be sports. Save the game for kids who, having learned important life lessons through their only available avenue,i.e. sports, go on to worthwhile citizenry. And make rules that protect them.  Begin with perfomance enhancing drugs control.   Lance Armstrong said he would not have been accepted if  he had decline to use drugs.   If the top (pro sports) demands usuage,  the news will flow to the bottom (even children’s sports).   Hopefully parents will guard their kids,  but some have turned the blind eye or even encouraged the madness.   Sanity is the only hope…

CUZZINS

We moved to Madison, NC when I was four. In two weeks the late Billy Fulton and similarly late, Sterling (Tuddy)Webster, were sidekicks for life. The Websters were next door and my first stop to collect them for the day. So as I crawled through the secret tunnel we’d made I noticed their neighbor’s garage was burned to the ground.”What happened to Miss Carrie’s garage?” I asked the whole stunned family as they watch smoldering smoke circle upwards from the ashes.
I grabbed Tuddy aside. ???? “Craig did it. He was hiding in her garage, smoking.”
Relieved it wasn’t Tuddy or Billy, I wondered about Craig. I knew there was a family with Craig (14?) and O’neil (18), who I’d heard “… that older one is a good guy, but watch out for Craig, he’s nuts.”
“Who is Craig, anyway?” I asked Tuddy.”He’s my first cuzzin.” Age 7, I wasn’t sure about genealogy.
When I got home My mom asked what all the excitement about? “Craig burned down Miss Carrie’s garage.”
What? Repeat. Report. Then I asked my also stunned Mother,”… Momma, what is a cuzzin? Do I have a cuzzin? Does it have to be a boy? Staccato to still reeling Geneva Phillps Parham.
Mom : Yes, you have several cousins.
Me: Who?
Mom: well, Aunt Mary’s Son, Ed, is one.
Me: Is he the first cousin?
Mom: Well, actually he is!
Me. Is he going to burn our garage down?
Mom: (laughs)
Me: What’s so funny? Do I have a second cuzzin? A third? Who are they? Are they dangerous as the Websters.
The total explanation took a while, but Mom did a pretty good job sorting it all out.
So the “Norfolk Phillips” are all first cuzzins–Jack, Henry, Eileen, and Mary Anita? We didn’t travel the then prohibitive journey to Tidewater often. But they travelled well as a group and always made better efforts than the rest of us. So fortunately I knew them enough to be proud they were my cuzzins, as I liked all four and they belonged to Uncle Lindsey. Uncle Lindsey was the youngest sibling of my Mom and her several sisters. Being last and male, Lindsey was messed up. From a bunch of Primitive Baptists, Lindsey escaped with a sense of humor and a taste for the kind of attitude that tickled me. And his siblings, Geneva, Aunt Olive, and Aunt Mary. We all looked to Lindsey for laughs and crafts (He could build anything, including home made toys for the kids. Cuzzins included.)
I’m losing too many. Jack just died after fighting the dreaded one, Alzheimer’s disease. He was the closest age wise to me and I liked talking to Jack. I am sad for Jack, but proud of my first cousins, who lovingly did all they could.

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TURNED TABLE

About this time we’d found Melvin Steele down near the Dan River. They lived in the bottoms, and Mel’s dad, Mutt, was a plumber. Not only that he was an amateur boxer and taught Mel how to fight. This aided our arsenal.

Fighting was part of the deal and I’d done my share. Being the preacher’s kid my dad got every report. He’d “strap” me for fighting, I’d whip Tuddy or somebody else the next day.

One day E.T. called me into his “study”, a room upstairs in the parsonage where he’d prepare sermons. This memory is very vivid. The study was blue, an- other Sunday school classroom was pink, one was yellow.

My dad sat with his back to me facing out the window, toward the garden.

The conversation went like this, “Son, you continue to get into fights. I’ve strapped you, grounded you, lectured you, and done everything I know. Today we change course.”

Whereupon he removed his big leather belt and took off his shirt.

He turned and told me, “Now you hit me until I tell you to stop.” I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t hit my dad. He demanded, I cried. He demanded. I hit him.

UNCLE LOUIE

“Seventy may be the new sixty, but 80 is still 80!”  (Gary McMahan).

I did it again.  Used some bad language at the wrong time.   My Dad was a minister and I only heard him use smut once.  We were washing the parsonage windows, he was outside, I was inside.  I had somewhere to be fairly soon that I alone deemed more important than the Baptist windows.  The third time I barked “what time is it?”  came the stunning answer:  “Half passed the crack of my ass, fifteen minutes till farting time!”

At age 14 I already added profanity as a second language, but this coming from E.T. Parham shocks me in my 80th year.

My mentor in dirty language and impure thoughts began early.  Billy Fulton.   I think his source was Uncle Louie.  My lately arrived at theory that an offshoot of WW11 was that dirty jokes, limericks, poems, etc. got spread at an exponential  rate.  I wrote this about Uncle Louie . (from PLAY IS WHERE LIFE IS):

“Billy had moved in with Opal and Woody into a nicer home, albeit further away. He also got us closer to “Uncle Louie”. Uncle Louie was a World War II Vet. It seemed like he was always under the hood of his car. Later in life I’ve decided World War II was the vehicle that spread various types of humor throughout the country. Uncle Louie was our source. He knew every dirty joke, limerick, ditty, titty, or whatever. (See page 24 Archibald Bearasshole).  And I loved it.

Names of farts: Fiz, Fazz, Fizzle, Fazzle, poot, anti-poot, rip ass, and roar.

Sizes of brassieres: 32A, 34B, Hubba-Hubba, Oh Hot Damn, Here Comes the Showboat, and the F.O.B. Detroit.

“I saw her butt ……she didn’t see me. I saw her ass she crossed the street.”

I was becoming addicted to funny people and they were often “smutty”. Billy was an encyclopedia of vice. He had a “pornographic memory”.