Picked up TOASTS FOR EVERY OCCASION at the local library. As usual my “smart-ass” gene kicked in.  Here’s a few:

• “It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu toast.”  Mark Twain
• May you two grow old on one pillow.
• May you live a hundred years with one extra year to repent.
• Here’s to a friend who knows you well and likes you just the same.
• When I read about the evils of drinking,  I gave up reading.
• What would you like to drink too?  To about three in the morning.
• In heaven there is no beer so we better drink it here.
• Here’s to the good time I must have had.
• “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker”  Ogden Nash.
• To man.  Give him an inch and he thinks he is a ruler.
• Here’s to our  coach –a man who will lay down our lives for his school.
• Here’s to the honest politician.  Who when bought stays bought.
• To the big-bellied bottle.

Riding by the JPTC I spotted twenty plus fraternity students playing whiffle ball on the courts. They’d actually taped off a baseball field on the courts. Brogans to running shoes, beer keg & all. There they were.
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.
I tried to be nice. One kid ran his argument right at me, as I stood in the door-frame. He ran into the door fence. Really. I couldn’t help but laugh at him.
His buddy took over, quite indignantly telling me how students owned this facility. He wanted to know who I was. I  told him I was directly in charge of the facility and it was limited to tennis only. We fought skateboarders, even hockey players, but this was different.
After about three attempts to explain, he ignored me again. I, then, asked
who, in fact, he was?
He wouldn’t answer or show an I.D. card, required to play on the courts. “That’s okay,” I said, inching closer to his nose, “I already know who you are.”
“You know who I am?” he asked.
“Yeah, you’re a chicken shit coward, and you always will be.” He walked away.
I wasn’t aware he was the sports editor for the “Pendulum,” Elon’s student
newspaper. The next edition featured his article “Tennis Coach has balls.”
Back to Alan’s office!

P.S.  I was concerned that Elon would discipline me for my behavior and waited for  the call from the A.D. or President, etc.  Nope–the only response was by the football coaching staff.  One by one they lined up outside my office and each one brought me their copy of the PENDULUM article and meekly asked me to autograph it,  so they could “…show it to my Dad!”

Jim Drummond is head of the “Leisure Department” at Elon. My son Dan said he wanted that job. My suggestion was the less Drummond did, the more he ought to get paid as “Leisure Chairman.”
Dr. Drummond’ mentor, Dr. Baxter (look under curmudgeon for Bob) was giving up duties as Elon’s “Parliamentarian.” Coach Carden called those across the street, “them old Academic Dicks.” We had one in the gym, downstairs, named Drummond.
It wasn’t long before the school newsletter, citing academic meanderings, re- ported that Dr. James Drummond had attended a big convention on “Parliamentary Manuring.” One problem: They left out the “V in manuvering.
The Chronicle of Higher Education is the Bible for academics. They also feature a column entitled “Marginalia” for when the academic dicks who screw up. Guess who alerted them to Leisure Jim, and his “maneuvering.”

Kay Yow, storied Basketball Coach for NC State University, coached Elon women, prior to moving to Raleigh. Her sister, Susan Yow, played for Kay at both places. Sister Debbie is a highly recognized Athletic Director at the University of Maryland. From neighboring village, Gibsonville, NC, the Yows are truly pioneers in athletics, particularly woman’s basketball.
One of my early tasks was to intercept father, Hilton Yow, on his visit from Gibsonville to our gym. Dr. White was too busy to talk, so I’d channel Hilton into my office. I loved talking sports with him. My father’s history also gave me grounds for talking religion, which Hilton held dear.
He also told me he had a bad hip. Told me often.
One night I was channel-chasing “mindless TV.” Nothing. I almost slipped by channel five, when I spotted Hilton. He was next in line to be “healed.” There was a commercial and Rick Jones, baseball coach, will confirm, I called him, find- ing out he too had seen Hilton. Back to the Rev. DeGraffenreid’s suggestion to Hilton.
“Come on up, Sir, and tell me what’s wrong. No, let me tell you what’s wrong.”
At that point the Reverend began to finger trace down Hilton’s arm, then chest, the other shoulder suggesting all the while “its here, and here, and it runs over here.” “Am I getting it right,” is the fevered question.
Kay Yow, storied Basketball Coach for NC State University, coached Elon women, prior to moving to Raleigh. Her sister, Susan Yow, played for Kay at both places. Sister Debbie is a highly recognized Athletic Director at the University of Maryland. From neighboring village, Gibsonville, NC, the Yows are truly pioneers in athletics, particularly woman’s basketball.
One of my early tasks was to intercept father, Hilton Yow, on his visit from Gibsonville to our gym. Dr. White was too busy to talk, so I’d channel Hilton into my office. I loved talking sports with him. My father’s history also gave me grounds for talking religion, which Hilton held dear.
He also told me he had a bad hip. Told me often.
One night I was channel-chasing “mindless TV.” Nothing. I almost slipped by channel five, when I spotted Hilton. He was next in line to be “healed.” There was a commercial and Rick Jones, baseball coach, will confirm, I called him, find- ing out he too had seen Hilton. Back to the Rev. DeGraffenreid’s suggestion to Hilton.
Hilton replied, “Well, no, but while you are in there go ahead and get all of it.”
After the next break I could see the Reverend healing the next patient, and Hilton lying on the floor. All you could see of Hilton was the soles of his shoes and where his polyester sport coat covered his stomach. Ask Jones!