High Handicap Geezer Golf

I’ve “earned my letter.”   And, thankfully I can play golf for fun.   Fun is the operative word.   Golf can be maddening.   Someone said “…golf is not a game, it’s a disease.”   Another suggested we make prisoners play.   I have felt like sitting down on the course and crying.  With the goal of making the game fun for us guys (not you “low to scratch” PLAYERS)  here a a few ideas:

– Upon my arrival home after a golf day, my wife asks “…how did you play”?   My answer is usually something like this: I played ok except for (pick one) a few bad holes, a triple bogey, one damn hole, etc.   My guess is a lot of hackers have admitted the same or similar summations.

– The big problem is MEDAL PLAY.   This requires you count all strokes on all holes.   MATCH PLAY allows you to play hole by hole, thus alleviating that lingering memory of the unwanted “snowman” or 8 on a par 5. I   guess being a tennis coach affects my thinking.    No matter how bad you are playing you still have a chance.   Where would you be without the second serve?

– Borrowing from education, why not “grade on the curve”, or throw out one bad hole (or one per side”).   Count it ( or them of your choice) a par, and move on.   I’m calling this game CULL/ THROWAWAY/DOTS   Someone told me there is a variation of this that has been played by others, trying to stroke their crushed egos…

Dots is a game for those of us who like bets.
1. Assign a monetary value to each “dot” (SAY 25 CENTS PER DOT) and dispense dots accordingly:
2. HOLEY:   You, or your team win that particular hole.
3. POLEY:   For a made putt longer than the flag pole.
4. GUACAMOLE:   Make par or better with a Hispanic worker in sight
5. NASCAR:   Par after hitting a cart path.
7. SANDIE:   Make a par out of a sand trap
8. GREENIE:   Closest individual to the pin on par 3’s…(option: if no one is ON the green, then GREENIE goes to the closest to the pin)
9. BARKIE:   Par after hitting a tree.
10. FRINGIE:   Make any shot form off the green.
11. CARRYOVERS:   Bet (or HOLEY) continues if no one wins the hole…example: No one wins hole 1, hole 2 is worth two dots, etc.
12. EAGLES:   Four dots
13. Holes in one:   Ten dots
14. Doubles eagles:   Fifteen dots

1. Quitting:   Twenty dots
2. SNAKES:   Three putts or more–2 dots
3. UNFORCED WINDY (Swing an d miss the ball)
4. PECKER SHOT:   Failure to get to women’s tee
7. FLAG STICK:   Carry the flag off the green
8. LEAVE CLUB:   Must be after teeing off on next hole

  • “…Every now and then a blind hog finds an acorn”, or anything close.
  • “I pulled (pushed it)” on a short putt.
  • Wimpy cussin
  • “…Be the right stick”
  • “Blew by you”

11. Being further away on your second putt
12. Back to back shanks
13. Hitting the wrong ball


2 thoughts on “High Handicap Geezer Golf

  1. Allen Searson

    Or maybe,.. Ol’ Coach: “Hey guys, mind if I join you?” One of the guys about to tee off: “Sorry, Coach, but we’ve already got a threesome.”

  2. ethomasparham

    From Joan Jones:

    Have loved reading your articles! I read “geezer golf” to Rob and he got a kick out of it, being a pretty good golfer at one time. He especially liked the “pecker” and “holey, poley, guacamole”. I took Part 1 of your Baptist hymn quiz and got 14 pretty quickly, Milton and Sarah had us sitting in church right regular. A lot of overlap in the Baptist and Disciples hymns, but I think you had a few more dealing with the blood of the lamb. Looking forward to taking part 2 . . . . Wine and women hit pretty close to home, I’ll have to be careful. The tennis info is always great! Is Maximum Bob doing ok? What a pleasure to get to spend time with him at your camp. Hope to see you soon at the beach. Thanks and love, Joan

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