I asked my dieting friend , Russell. if he’d like a piece cake?

Russell, wistfully viewing the cake : ” POUND CAKE! Whoever named that, got it right.!”

My Wife is from Canada. She is in week one of a trip to see her Sister in Vancouver. Nearly 84 I don’t travel well , perferring this zip code. I am “home alone “. Some one asked if my wife would remarry if I died? Russell Rawlings said “…she will have a date at his funeral !”

My whole tribe is worried about my survival. Family and friends. And they are all checking on me. The Game Warden came by yesterday. My Son also hired a local young man who came by with a CHECKLIST. On his IPhone. We have a land line and I have a flip phone. Never turn it on. Certainly don’t carry it.

My young Guardian checked off ” Was he there? Breathing ? Food on him?” Short list ! Aren’t you going to check my blood pressure ? Come back later and tuck me in? Paint the house? He left.

Most wives have a list. My Wife’s list is biblical length. Or equal to a football PLAYBOOK.

One of my duties at Elon was to proof read their football playbook. One of their lists was titled SHARED DUTIES OF THE STAFF. Essentially mundane tasks ( supervising study hall, locker room clean ? etc. ) Two duty assigments caught my eye— GIT BACK COACH and MESS UP LIST.

Coach Clay Hassard explained that no matter what, in the excitement of a game, the players would crowd further and further toward the field. A penalty was possible. One coach on game days was to yell GET BACK all day long.

The “MESS UP LIST ” was penalty for team violations (cutting class, late for practice, missing study hall). The Mess Up Coach met those listees for a predawn run at the track, Both the coaches and the players changed the title of this list so it started with an F.

Violation # 1. I left without my phone . Basically I only go to the bank, CVS, and the barbershop . MY list.

Came home to find K9 dogs and the Coast Guard searching the house, grounds, and ocean.

I’ve decided to keep my own mess up list below:

• missed watering the plants and to bring in the dry beach towels ( laying in the bed at midnight I realized this ommission and watered in the moonlight. )
• forgot to pour water in coffee pot. ( again I realized my error —when the pot began to smoke. worked fine).
• this one is tough. I had a Drs appointment with The Foot Doctor at 11:30. I left in plenty of time to get to the Cedar Point NC office. The office was gone, Is it in the next strip mall? No, the next? No! I asked three people and got 3 blank looks. Aha–the flip phone after all ! NOPE DEAD! I then saw the UPS driver . “Man that place is in Swansboro”—-oops. Thoroughly embarrassed I apologized to the receptioness. She looked at me strongly –“Name, Date of birth– pause? Sir – your wife changed that appointment.

A strange relief oozed over me, and I realized I was to pick up a shoe the Dr. was to alter, and asked if I shouldn’t go ahead and take the shoe with me ? Now it was her turn to be chagrined : ” Sir –I hate to tell you but I forgot to deliver that shoe to Morehead City where he does that work!”

Both of us to the MESS UP list. Some how evened things out.

List to be continued

Dad’s prayer for “ sick and the sad, the lonely and shut in, the dead and the departing, the forgotten and the forgetting . the elderly and the overweight”! Edited to cover me. 

We have lived in this island home for 15 years. Lot of varibles. Hurricane Florence had the most physical impact. The massive flooding caused damage that overloaded the local work force. Getting any prompt respone was compounded by a history of surly locals who preferred fishing. Some drinking thrown in.

We have only septic tanks. This week I asked a friend who the best “honeydipper” was? Snuffy was the answer. You are kidding?

I figured he had to be the man, but when would he come, 2025? Not only the worst job I could imagine, but quick. At our first beach house I literally dug up a septic tank. And while sand is supposedly easy digging– I know there is no such thing.

Snuffy’s receptionist wasn’t enouraging. “My lord that man is busy!”

So I called his cell telling him to come anytime. Only one inevitable question.

I was startled when he called saying he was in the area, should he come now?

I blurted out the question-“So , do you check for need before it’s GO?”

“IF I COME, I PUMP”

When can you book us.?

Now.

Come and pump.

It was a friday late afternoon. hot. he was 75 years old and drenched with sweat.

I hadn’t seen any working on a Friday since we’d headed east.

I knew Margaret would be nice to this man. Pretty soon they were buddies. She asked how many tanks had he done that day? “This is my eigth!”

When he finished he cleaned up the area meticulously. We tallked and found out his real name and part of this good man’s interesting past.

As he started to leave I couldn’t resist one last question—

Sir, you have a really tough job. Tough for anybody, any age. How do you do it?

YOU’VE GOT TO BE COMMITTED TO YOUR WORK.

Al Rehm, Sr. was a Northern baseball player, who while playing for the Tobs, married a local woman and became a cop. Al liked to drink a lot. He could be a handful.
Once, having driven to the ECU game, Country and I watched Al, Sr. unfold
out of a Red Bird. Obviously cranked, we asked Al if he’d taken a cab from Wilson
by himself.
Straightening himself, he assured us: “Hell yes, and I’ve already seen three
people here that told me they weren’t coming.”
Earlier I mentioned that Al’s only son, Al, Jr. was a neighborhood kid. We
were always watching Al because he was hilarious from the beginning.
His father umpired high school baseball in games that his only son, Al,
played in.
Once a ninth inning pitch whistled down the middle while batter Al, Jr.
watched with a two-strike count.
“Ball one” came the call from umpire/dad, followed by the corollary: “But if
another one like that one comes along, you better take a cut at it.”
The catcher took of his mask and looked backwards at the umpire.

TWO PASS FOR TWO (OR MORE)

Not enough for a poker game?  Many gamblers fill that time with some version of gin rummy.

Here is a home made poker game for when small numbers have “the itch”.

The game for two: 

PROCESS AND RULES

*Determine the dealer. Dealer alternates  round to round.

• Dealer deals four cards in a row face down to his opponent,  then four similarly to him/her self.  These stay in order dealt, face down.
• Dealer offers  one face up card.  The opponent can leave the card on stack, or card  one,  or pass it once to card two, or twice to card three.  Two passes and it is stuck there.   When that card is placed the next is offered to the next eligible card, whether opponent or dealer.  The cards are then offered to the required open card in clockwise fashion. 
• NOTE—IF THE UP CARDS IN EACH STACK,  OR 
• ‘HAND”,  MATCH THE DOWN CARD THEN ALL MATCHING CARDS IN THAT HAND ARE “WILD”.
• The dealer offers each card in order until both players have four full stacks or  FIVE CARD HANDS;  the first card still down, the other four up. 

SCORING 

*This is a high – low game.  One point for best poker hand (high) and one point the worst (low).  Low is the “wheel “ or ace, 2-3-4-5.  The wheel can low or high or both.  All other straights are high only.

• There are two points per round.  To win both points you must win high and low from  your four hands.  One point goes to the high winner, one for low.  Ties high or low yield 1/2 point.

• Scores are added round to round.  Players pre-determine winning total  (example 10 points is winner and can win with 1/2 point margin, or 10 to 9 and 1/2.)

* Pot per game is preset.  Winner takes all.

It is probably lucky public school teachers didn’t have guns in the 1950’s. They would have shot some of us.

*My “prayer list” is getting too long.

• Marty Baker told me the lord giveth. For a while. Then he starts taking away.

• I can’t decide whether to sue my shrinking ass for not doing it’s job, or to buy some suspenders.