“SNOOTY COOCHER ” (X-RATED )

Raylan Givens: Sometimes, we have to make deals with lowlifes because we have our sights set on life forms even somehow lower on the ladder of lowlife than they.

TEAM SPIRIT

On , 1-8-2004, 1-8-2004 By ethomasparhamIn E. SPORTS COMMENTARY, H. WILSON, HUMOR/ ODDS AND ENDSLeave a comment

BULLDOG

At midseason 1979 I promised my team I would paint my car in the new school colors if we won 25 matches. (25/3 ! ). I took it to STEVE’S CORVETTE with the instructions to paint it royal blue and white, with a thin gold trim–as these were the new choices.

It was really my wife’s car and when we picked it up and she saw TWO FOOT GOLD STRIPES, she dropped to her knees and cried. I only laughed and blurted, “… it looks like a Pepsi ad.”

Looking at the front end one can see a blurred silver hood ornament. It is a 10 inch Mac truck

Bulldog hood ornament— Our team’s mascot.

Earl Boykin and some Tanquaray gin affixed it to the hood, in between laughing at it.

It was easily unique and people knew where I was (“ You’ve been spending a lot of time at the ELK’S Club, Coach ). When I rode around Wilson, NC most cars would blow their horn or surely someone would wave. Religiously, I would wave back.

After a few years I changed jobs. So we painted THE BULLDOG a pleasant green.

Before moving to the new town, I waved at a lot of people that didn’t wave back.

MAN TO MAN OR ZONE?

On , 1-8-2004, 1-8-2004 By ethomasparhamIn HUMOR/ ODDS AND ENDS, S. FAMILYLeave a comment

Tee called last night. He wants to know if he can get some help with his 10 years old basketball team. Maybe one of the Odom boys.

There are nine players. Son Lennox warned his Dad on the way to the first practice : ” … Four of these kids are crazy!”

Coach Tee spoke about 15 seconds before “the worst of the four” emptied his water cooler on the floor. Tee said “the four” have never since acknowledged that Tee was there.

Luckily 1. The other five are pretty good, And 2, the gym has two goals.

The 4 took off to goal 2. Tee’s 5 worked hard interrupted by several fights and obscene language from the 4 goal. Tee admitted seeing one 4 kick a wet floor pylon that drew blood from another.

He also confessed he told his five— I will bring them up to play. Beat them bad.

Worst 4 beat best 5. Worst of the 4 hit the winner.

Team vote on team name —BOULDER MAYHEM.

Russell Rawlings is coming tomorrow. He is not only a four graduate, but revelled in coaching them. He’ll help.

COLLEGE RUBICON?

On , 1-8-2004, 1-8-2004 By ethomasparhamIn E. SPORTS COMMENTARY, HUMOR/ ODDS AND ENDS, J. EMERALD ISLE, L. RACELeave a comment

Great birthday card — Front: This is Edith ( beautiful Pin-Up ) and this is your cake ( Giant slice with a lighted candle ).

Inside : “You can have your cake, or you can have Edith–but you can’t have your cake and Edith too!”

As the man said–It is time to make some “chawses” ( Choices )

The just released survey by the Elon Poll requested solutions to college athletics problems. Between the Portal and Likeness changes, a Rubicon moment, Teaming with the NCAA, they listed ten pages of questions and suggestions to summarize how to reign in this “conundrum”.

Some years back I played in a local poker game with John McQuire, brother to Al, and poster for Octogeneran Curmudgeons. Occasionally he would blurt out angry admonitions to shut up and play. Upon enduring one cliched dissection of the past hand, and it’s theories and what-ifs, John concluded “… NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING! “

Apt description of the above Elon/NCAA poll.

What seems apparent is that a square peg- round hole problem is at the core.

Education and greed don’t jibe. The POWER conferences have made their choice. The rest may too “ante up “. Hopefully some avenue to EDUCATION as a choice will emerge. Some are already available.

“Bad luck women stick like glue. You can have one or the other, but never the two.” B. Dylan

Tech Tics

On , 1-8-2004, 1-8-2004 By ethomasparhamIn HUMOR/ ODDS AND ENDS, J. EMERALD ISLELeave a comment

Losing can be hellish. I envisioned Hell as sports losing. Seated in a black, damp room, hell was being forced to repeatedly hear the sound of a second tennis serve hitting the net. Alernately silence is hell , as a 2 foot golf putt is “pulled”.

Lately I have wondered about some issues unrelated to sports. So, at 85 years I googled my symptoms:

“…characterized by multiple movement (motor) tics and at least one vocal (phonic) tic. Common tics are blinking, coughing, throat clearing, sniffing, and facial movements. These are typically preceded by an unwanted urge…”

NOTE: With an impressive list of personal health issues , I am sensitive to sufferers.

The quote above appeared under the definition of Tourette’s Syndrome.

Reflecting on my symptoms, while similar, I realized the problems developed in concert with my attempts to use new technology. Daily, while trying to find a password, add a new skill or remember an old one, I would turn into Mr. Hyde : Angry, screaming, retching. violent unsolicited jerking, blinking and throwing things.

Eventually I realized I was and am experiencing a new syndrome I have decided to define as

“Tech Tics”.