My Wife is from Canada. She is in week one of a trip to see her Sister in Vancouver. Nearly 84 I don’t travel well , perferring this zip code. I am “home alone “. Some one asked if my wife would remarry if I died? Russell Rawlings said “…she will have a date at his funeral !”

My whole tribe is worried about my survival. Family and friends. And they are all checking on me. The Game Warden came by yesterday. My Son also hired a local young man who came by with a CHECKLIST. On his IPhone. We have a land line and I have a flip phone. Never turn it on. Certainly don’t carry it.

My young Guardian checked off ” Was he there? Breathing ? Food on him?” Short list ! Aren’t you going to check my blood pressure ? Come back later and tuck me in? Paint the house? He left.

Most wives have a list. My Wife’s list is biblical length. Or equal to a football PLAYBOOK.

One of my duties at Elon was to proof read their football playbook. One of their lists was titled SHARED DUTIES OF THE STAFF. Essentially mundane tasks ( supervising study hall, locker room clean ? etc. ) Two duty assigments caught my eye— GIT BACK COACH and MESS UP LIST.

Coach Clay Hassard explained that no matter what, in the excitement of a game, the players would crowd further and further toward the field. A penalty was possible. One coach on game days was to yell GET BACK all day long.

The “MESS UP LIST ” was penalty for team violations (cutting class, late for practice, missing study hall). The Mess Up Coach met those listees for a predawn run at the track, Both the coaches and the players changed the title of this list so it started with an F.

Violation # 1. I left without my phone . Basically I only go to the bank, CVS, and the barbershop . MY list.

Came home to find K9 dogs and the Coast Guard searching the house, grounds, and ocean.

I’ve decided to keep my own mess up list below:

• missed watering the plants and to bring in the dry beach towels ( laying in the bed at midnight I realized this ommission and watered in the moonlight. )
• forgot to pour water in coffee pot. ( again I realized my error —when the pot began to smoke. worked fine).
• this one is tough. I had a Drs appointment with The Foot Doctor at 11:30. I left in plenty of time to get to the Cedar Point NC office. The office was gone, Is it in the next strip mall? No, the next? No! I asked three people and got 3 blank looks. Aha–the flip phone after all ! NOPE DEAD! I then saw the UPS driver . “Man that place is in Swansboro”—-oops. Thoroughly embarrassed I apologized to the receptioness. She looked at me strongly –“Name, Date of birth– pause? Sir – your wife changed that appointment.

A strange relief oozed over me, and I realized I was to pick up a shoe the Dr. was to alter, and asked if I shouldn’t go ahead and take the shoe with me ? Now it was her turn to be chagrined : ” Sir –I hate to tell you but I forgot to deliver that shoe to Morehead City where he does that work!”

Both of us to the MESS UP list. Some how evened things out.

List to be continued