THE COQUIHALLA PASS

I retired almost twenty years ago. I’m glad. Don’t know whether I could have eased off enough to survive the current boredom traps. You have to work at retiring.

There are a few concerns and observations demanded by the great sequester. Will we recognize each other as we walk out like the “Walking Dead”. I’m up to about 250lbs (quarter ton of fat and fun). Haven’t been to a barber shop in a year. I glanced at a mirror and thought, “… You look a lot like Larry David.”

Reminds me of “GROUNDHOG’S DAY”. Same clothes. Same basic routine. I asked “Bonehead ” Dennis where he bought his pants?” Loose, with expandable waist. Wife calls them “soft clothes”. Forgot how to tie a necktie.

“Kelly sox” from Nester Hosiery are thick and I can’t wear them out. Like slippers. Only need two pair as Wife type washes every other day. Vacuums daily. She likes to stay busy. Keeps things “neat and tidy.” Someone said footballer “Big Daddy” Libscomb” serviced so many maids he had an erection every time he heard a vacuum cleaner.

Wife Margaret should have been named go. Truly a nomad–anywhere, any time. When she gets that look we have to ride. If you live at our ocean you can’t drive east. We have covered every area within a day trip. She drives. We did go to the mountains to the far north of North Carolina. Drove for two days but that “…still doesn’t count as a real trip!” Lot of short ventures. We have driven around Beaufort so many times, we are being watched.

We literally rode to the dump one day. One day the landfill of a development had a sign on a house that said “Ground under repair”.

In November I wrote about THE POINT. Just about daily we ride down. Savior of a mini-trip. Average five days a week.

Thank God for Zoom. A grand child in Boulder thinks we live in box. He’s five and can play chess and Texas Hold Em”. That’s my boy!

I’ve played so much online poker I know every tell the computer is programmed for. Elon President, Fred Young told me “you have to have something planned every day.” Last summer I learned how to call up the village owl and capture carpenter bees. My late friend, Bob Johnson, told me his Uncle Tazzo bought the first color TV in Jacksonville, Florida. $900! Tazzo had just declared candidacy for public office and invited the entire family for Sunday dinner and the announcement. Bob said when the TV commentator called Tazzo the most corrupt individual in the county, he kicked the new TV in. Color me angry. I fear we may suffer “Trump Withdrawal” if covid continues much longer. Pro or con–you watched that TV, didn’t you? Ever cuss?

If you didn’t watch news channels between 8 pm and eleven, it was Noodlin, or Swamp People, or Duck Dynasty reruns. Recruiters for the Washington assault went to Wal-Mart, Pro-Bass, and evening TV a lot. (“Ninety percent of the time I got in trouble Uncle Si was involved somehow!” ) ***Admit it, you watched the Cornhole Championships, didn’t you.

In fairness TV has saved many. And saved most money. When you don’t play golf, fill up the tank, travel, or eat out, etc. you save $. I do feel sorry for the cooks, trying to figure out the daily menu. I suggested “meals on wheels”. A reciprocal dirty look ensued.

I’ve ridden the Coquilhalla Highway, British Columbia in Canada. Where they wreck 18 wheelers for TV. I was there in July and it was a hairy trip. The weather channel has amazing film of fires, flooding, hurricanes. I had never witnessed bouncing tornados until recently. By God, something is changing. (“…don’t ask for deluge”) Starbuck form THE RAINMAKER).

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