DRIVING PRIVILEGES (191)

February 2017 was the best weather-wise of the ten years worth of “wintering” at the beach.   My wife, Margaret, grew up on Lake Huron.  Loves the water plus realized  “…the kids will come see us at the beach.”  Winters can be quiet.  Our population is ten times larger in the summer.   Then we have a lot of drunks, deer and cops.  We can muster a small traffic problem fourth of July weekend.

The locals (high tiders or “hoi toiders”)  don’t think much of the invader’s driving (“droiving”).   They say “dit-dotters” come, but go back home.  “Dingbatters” stay.  Either way, “…my Lord honey, they must leave their brains on the other soide (side) of the bridge.”

We just ventured a trip to Florida.  Routine drive for Margaret.  I try not to get out of our zip code.  Plus she won’t let me droive (oops).  We stopped in to see The Villages.   Lots of “Seniors”.  One widow confided ” …we are all looking for a rich old geezer, with night driving privileges”.

Anywhere on the other side of Kinston is considered the far west by the “downeasterners”.

In my neighborhood there is only one next door resident who winters here.  Tal.  Tal doesn’t say much.  I watch him a lot.  He spends more time working on one little corner of his lot than Margaret  does all year, yard working, And she is OCD.  Tal’s wife comes out about monthly, so I know she’s not buried below that little plot.

I’ve got his schedule down pat.  Goes to Food Lion twice a week  (his truck is gone).

Margaret has a low threshold of “house containment”.   She gets a “look” you can recognize.  It is a lot like a parent recognizing the look of a child needing a bathroom.  Then it is “roll time”.  Doesn’t matter where, just meet her quota.

In the 70’s Elon College’s mens basketball team strangely won it’s first four games on the road, and  lost the first three home games.   Next home game Head Coach, Bill Miller,  issues assistant Bill  Morningstar some strange orders:  “MAWNINSTAH,   git em all down at the vans at 3pm.  Tell em  to be sure to wear their away suits.”

‘Star:  But Coach Miller, we play at home tonight at 7pm.   Miller:  Ride em around in the county for a couple of hours.  Then tell em to play like they’ve been on a road trip.”

Nearly 77years, I lose my keys a lot.   Actually  I think Margaret hides them.  She’ll take off and go somewhere soon.   I’ll wait till Tal shows up on corner duty, then if I don’t hit a deer, or run off  the bridge, I may try a trip to Swansboro.

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